From picking up pizzas at the arch to pressing us about filling out our course selection forms, we all love and will miss our Kenny Graves as he departs to embark on a new journey as head of the Upper School at the Trevor Day School.
Dr. Graves has been at Fieldston for nine years, from what started as a tech gig to him earning his Ph.D. and finally finishing his time at Fieldston as our assistant principal. I was lucky enough to have known him during my years of high school.
I sat down with Dr. Graves and asked him some questions about his time at Fieldston and his experiences working alongside us students, other schools, and his colleagues.
Dr. Graves shared with me how much he learned during his time at Fieldston. He spoke to me about our students’ impact on him during his time here and mentioned how critical and valuable friendships and relationships are. “These friendships I bring up are not just the relationships I’ve built with my colleagues who, may I add, are brilliant, charismatic, and passionate, but it’s also the teacher-to-student connections. Whether it is working with others or just having an open door to my office, you can make such impactful bonds and learn so much about someone through a simple conversation.”
“Being a good leader is translated into your relationships,” Graves stated. “When you center students in your work, you will always put yourself aside and put them first, whether that’s having their best interest at heart or learning with them how to make hard decisions”
Our conversation transitioned into what he loved most about being at Fieldston and what he will miss the most as he moves on to the next position. “It is hard to choose just one thing,” he said. “It’s difficult for me just to choose a few things, but I loved the community days, MAD, seeing students outside on the quad, and being able to teach ethics classes. I will always love the traditions, and it’ll be hard to replace the promposals (which were exceptional this year), students signing up for a million clubs during the club fair, field days, and the bittersweet moment of seeing a Form III orientation start on the quad which will one day turn into their graduation on that senior grass.”
As a person who is so involved with this school and has to make daily decisions that will impact all of us, I knew I needed to ask Dr. Graves, “How do you know if a school is doing its job? How do you know that a school is doing everything it can to ensure every student, teacher, and faculty member feels comfortable and highlighted in the world that the school does? Dr. Graves responded, “You don’t,” and the only way to get somewhat of an answer is to look at the people, especially the students. “The students are a reflection of us, our decisions, and our leadership.”
Dr. Graves told me that he learned to be a leader from a young age. Starting off here in tech helped me assert myself and grow alongside others. Being a good leader at Fieldston involves having the hard but necessary conversations, respecting students, adults, and everyone’s opinion, admitting when you have made a mistake, being humble, and taking risks.” He also mentioned to me that being an advisor and watching his advisees grow up helped him see how much Fieldston truly helps prepare its students for the real world, which gave him motivation and drive. Learning about perspectives and diversity ensures that students will be better prepared for what they will encounter once they graduate and move on to college, their career paths, and later within their own families.
A not-so-fun conversation was, “What are the biggest challenges and issues independent schools like Fieldston face?” Dr. Graves responded, “I believe one of the biggest challenges schools are facing is the issue surrounding maintaining a level of engagement but also being aware of the mental health of the students and members of the community. We are trying to understand and deepen the ways we teach; our students learn through workshops, being congruent, and not always how we expect them to comprehend the material. “Schools, especially Fieldston have to figure out more about love, joy, and excitement for being at school” Dr. Graves raises the importance of schools being a community. A place where everyone should be able to bloom and be their best selves. If a school isn’t doing a good job with diversity and having conversations that are linked to uncomfortable topics and issues, the students won’t feel their struggles are heard. “Schools should forever incorporate support in everything they do”
“To the rising senior grade, do your work. Go to class. Trust your teachers. Don’t let the college process define you. Trust everyone around you. Trust the resources you have here. Engage in something you’ve never done before. Go out and do something you love. Deeply connect with someone, and most importantly… read your emails.”
As we wrapped up our conversation, I asked Dr. Graves, “How do you want to be remembered? “I want to be remembered as the tech geek who the students and colleagues believed could usher us through a very difficult time” Dr. Graves stated that he wished to leave a legacy of constantly being open to students’ ideas, always working with others and centering the students in his work. We will all miss his Darth Vadars and crazy office. “One thing that I know is that I never left my past in tech behind because, to this day, I would get that one student that would run into my office and ask me to help them with their computer. I am glad my new title didn’t define me but gave me a new window into helping others and investing my time and effort into the people of this community.
His final words? “I learned that bribing people with food is the way to go. Just some pizza, Capri Sun, and the snacks in my office will get the job done.”
Even at the Trevor Day School, Dr. Graves will bleed orange.
