If art in one of its purest and loftiest forms seeks to be a living-breathing addition, an extended form and facet of capturing the human experience, Annie Hamilton ‘11 is a (capital T) True artist within that tradition. Hamilton’s new show, “Looking For Papa”, ran this past weekend at the West Village’s historic Cherry Lane Theatre – home to artistic goliaths like T.S. Eliot, Lorraine Hansberry and David Mamet to name a few. The show is a 60 minute solo performance by Hamilton that tells the story of a concept Hamilton had for a show earlier this year, and how it all fell apart. Initially, the idea was for Hamilton to audition a male hero of hers to be her new father, live in front of an audience. This was all in the spirit of gaining what she described in an interview with me as “the kind of self respect that only a father can bestow upon his children.” Gaining that ‘self respect’ was in the spirit of finding a new boyfriend, “get a new good dad, a new boyfriend will follow. Jokey, but for a cause…” she said.
Standing outside, smoke from home-rolled cigarettes hung in the air, courtesy of the dickies and tote bag touting Millenials and Gen Z crowd. As I walked into the theatre, The Mamas and The Papas 60s folk-rock harmonies piped through the speakers, reinforcing the retro, from-another-time vibe Hamilton gives off. The stage was a minimalist, exposed brick black-box-esque studio, which allowed for Hamilton to establish her own personality in the space more than the conventional proscenium would. The intimacy of the venue was also fitting for the intimacy of the performance, which at times felt more like a conversation than a show in the operatic sense of that word.
“I wasn’t able to get any of the ‘dads’ I wanted,” said Hamilon “I used every connection I’ve ever made. So the show started to be about the process of making the show…there’s a saying that goes something like, ‘the making of the movie is the movie’ – my shows have been mainly about what goes into the making of the show.” The entirety of the show follows this story and realizes that meta component of processing the experiences Hamilton has had due to the creation of the show. This is ornamented with interjections of relevant side plots that include Hamilton’s colorful sexcapades and adventures as a young 20-something in New York City. Hamilton also provides us with brave self-reflection and the fruits of introspective work regarding her childhood trauma, stemming from a complex relationship with her father.
She has a spectacular command over her audience, a performance feat that is difficult to achieve. She is equally capable of erupting the space into an electrifying collective laughter as she is of creating a sobering silence with the audience hung on every word. All of these efforts strive towards the same journey of self-discovery Hamilton has allowed us to accompany her on. That discovery includes a retrospective of her life, namely how it has oriented itself around men, and how that reality simultaneously fuels and cripples her. The reasoning for this harkens back to the aforementioned complex relationship with her father; the crux of the show and seemingly her life. Why is she “looking for papa?” Hamilton is able to strike a truly special balance between baring her soul out to us and wildly entertaining us. A zinger delivered at the introduction of Hamilton’s childhood trauma with her father had the audience in uproar. “Just a note on daddy issues,” she said “I really hate that phrase. I think it is so beneath me, it is reserved for the California girls. I am so much more complex than that.”
One of the things I think people find most attractive about Hamilton is her ability to authentically connect with us. After the show, as the audience members packed the street and sidewalk in hopes of chatting with Hamilton post performance, I overheard in conversation somebody said “It felt off the cuff.” Her style is highly conversational and highly human connection oriented in a Truly idiosyncratic way. In my interview with her, when asked what she was hoping for audience members to take away from the show, she said “I want people to feel less alone in their ‘bad’ qualities. And I want people to celebrate ‘badness’: my ‘badness’, and hopefully their own ‘badness.’” Hamilton as a character on stage and as a person – a duality I think she is in the process of playing with and balancing in her art and her life – is incredibly easy to connect to, because Hamilton speaks into words what everyone is thinking in a refreshing and hilarious self-aware manner.
“I think I’m confused about what art is,” Hamilton said on stage. When asked about the most difficult part of realizing her vision for this show, she said “I’m writing my life as I’m processing my life and performing my life as it’s happening to me. I’m new to writing, I’m new to live performance. I’m figuring it out as I go and trying to figure out who the ‘character’ of me is on stage. How can I truly be an unreliable narrator?” Hamilton credits her time at Fieldston with creating the space she needed to figure out who she was on and off the stage. “I started learning who I am – and what kind of character I perform as in my everyday life – at Fieldston. I loved Fieldston. I loved running around and figuring out my sense of humor and being silly during school. I felt really supported by my classmates and teachers in doing so.” Hamilton shared with me that she used to come to school clad in full costume sometimes. “Fieldston allowed me to explore my silliness.”
“Looking For Papa” and the Annie Hamilton experience is cathartic. It’s refreshing to watch the human experience raw and uncensored. Hamilton is going through life and figuring things out, putting off a ‘shit-happens’ aura that I think myself and many others find relatable and comfortable in – another welcome universal truth that art has created. She explained to me that she processes her experiences through performing them; I find this to be an admirable relationship to art because of the bravery it takes to be vulnerable on that kind of scale. I also imagine it must be a difficult relationship to maintain, as it has the potential to confuse worlds and disorient at times. Perhaps this is why in my conversation with Hamilton, she expressed a hope that “one day I’ll like doing both equally – living and performing.”
“Looking For Papa” is going back up at Cherry Lane next month in July, and Hamilton is hoping to improve the show before then. Ms. Hamilton is also in the process of writing a TV show.
