For my final journalism project, I wanted to create a new feature of the Fieldston News called Humans of Fieldston (the Fieldston version of Humans of New York). My goal is to interview people in the community and share their stories. To start off my project, I decided to interview several seniors and commemorate them before they go off into the world. It’s not easy to sum up your Fieldston experience but these seniors shared their thoughts, emotions, reflections, favorite moments, critical observations and more.
Being a student at Fieldston is a unique experience and it varies for every person. My goal for this project was to allow every senior to be as honest as possible about their thoughts as they left Fieldston. This is not about uplifting Fieldston and the Fieldston experience, it’s about hearing the stories of each person as they share their journeys and struggles. With this goal in mind, I refrained from asking everyone the same specific questions, allowing them to take the interview in any direction they wanted. It allowed each senior to recap what felt important to them and what they wanted to highlight. After I recorded the interviews, I transcribed and compiled their most important remarks.
I hope you enjoy reading their stories as much as I enjoyed hearing them and putting them together! The seniors that were interviewed include: Calder Stokes, Olivia Pollack, Kia Rogers, Daniel Silverstein, Aksel Katz, Jaclyn Olsen, Alexa Potter, Ananda Vidal-Burgie, and Victoria Thomas. Enjoy!
Calder Stokes
May 10, 2021
Have you ever read the book Green Eggs and Ham? It’s by Dr. Seuss, who’s kind of problematic at this point. But anyways, Green Eggs and Ham is about this guy named Sam. And, this guy named Sam doesn’t want to try green eggs and ham but at the end of the story, he finally tries green eggs and ham and he enjoys it. I feel like that’s sort of been me at Fieldston. I feel like a lot of the times I’ve looked at something and said something along the lines of “I can’t do this” or “I don’t want to do this” or even “this isn’t for me.” But now that I’m looking back, I think I could’ve gotten a lot more out of it if I had an open approach to things. I definitely got a lot out of Fieldston and I’m happy about that but I just wish I did more. You know how people say “don’t sleep on me” to other people? I feel like I slept on myself here at Fieldston.
Until junior year, I didn’t do anything. I didn’t join affinity groups, I didn’t lead conversations, I wasn’t involved in much. I sort of always just took the easy way out in fear of losing, and not being good enough. Like, for classes, I always took the easier classes that I knew I would get good grades in rather than pushing myself. I kind of did the same thing when it came to applying to colleges. I had interviews with a few places and one college was like “yea if you apply early, you’re getting in” and I said “okay” and then I applied early and got in. And I’m not saying it’s a bad school or anything but it’s definitely not the most competitive you know? I look back at it now and I’m like “dang, maybe I should’ve applied to more schools that didn’t say you’re going to get in if you apply, maybe I should’ve shot a little higher.”
I wish I did more in school and I wish I tried new and different things. I know I have more opportunities for new things because high school isn’t the end of life. But, I wish I took more advantage of Fieldston because there’s just so many resources. I guess this is my little thing or sentiment that I want to leave everybody with: take the opportunities that Fieldston gives you. Fieldston opens so many doors for you so make sure you take it.
I had a lot of opportunities at Fieldton, especially being the FSG co-president, and I’m sad to leave it all behind. I think Eli and Lena are gonna do a great job so I’m not worried about passing it on. But, when we started and even when we won, Nina and I had very specific visions of what we wanted the school to be. Looking at the school now though, I genuinely cannot see that much change. From an inside perspective, I can say that we’ve spent a bazillion hours planning things and meeting with difficult people and doing anything we can to help our school. But, from the outside, there’s no change to see, which makes me a little sad.
I said this in my Founder’s Day speech but it’s important to recognize that the class 2022 is the last grade that was present in the lockout. And I think now it’s kind of the responsibility of the class of 2022 to educate all the future incoming grades. It’s your responsibility to make sure that the school doesn’t forget about SOCM and their demands. Meet with the board. Prepare well. Have a clear agenda. Advocate for yourselves. That’s all I really gotta say. But aside from that, enjoy high school. And listen to my music.
Olivia Pollack
May 10, 2021
I feel pretty ready for the next stage of my life and I don’t think there’s any reason why I wouldn’t be able to succeed in college. But it does feel like a really big next step. I really enjoyed my time in high school and just my experience at Fieldston. I’ve been here since I was five. That’s why it’s just kind of hard to leave when it has been such a big presence in my life.
It’s kind of weird to think about how these are our last few days on campus. I wanted to go to practice one day and I didn’t have a way to get there except for my dad taking and I realized it was the last time that he could ever take me to high school and that’s just such a weird feeling. I guess that something I’ve been thinking about is my legacy at this school. I’m involved in a lot of things and I really enjoy being a part of them but it’s hard to think that when I’m gone, I’m just gone. It’s so hard to think that I have to let go of those things and even kind of forget about those things even though they were such a big part of my life. I’ve especially been thinking about the Females in Finance club, which I’m not the only leader of but it’s just weird to kind of pass on something that you’ve spent hundreds of hours on and just giving it to somebody else and trusting them to care about it and spend the same amount of hours that you put into it when you’re gone.
I’m also going halfway across the country, which just feels like such a large step. I know that I can handle it but at the same time it’s just a lot to process. But I’m really excited for it. I think that something I didn’t really do at high school was prioritize having fun and hanging out with my friends. It’s something I really want to experience more of in college. I’m going to be in Nashville, which is super fun and exciting. I’m really ready to explore the city and dedicate time to making connections and making friends.
I think a lot of people from Fieldston will be visiting each other in college. For instance, all the people going to school in California will be close to each other and can visit each other kind of whenever. But I’m not really close to anybody [geographically]. I mean there’s one other kid in my grade who’s going to school with me but besides that, I think the closest friend that I have is in Georgia for college. So, it’s definitely going to be weird to be so far away from everyone that I know. I’m trying to plan on making trips to visit people. I want to take a trip to California and visit all my friends there and also visit all my friends near New York. But really I’m just going to miss everybody. I know that there is room for new friendships but at the same time I don’t want to let go of the ones I have, especially with my friends that are in other grades. I’ve been trying to get people to come visit me and offer tours and that kind of thing but it’s just weird because you create this own little bubble for yourself at Fieldston that’s built with your support system and net of people. And then when that is totally split up, it’s kind of frightening but also exciting because I know I’ll build a new bubble.
I’m just really going to miss Fieldston and I know that it’s a complicated environment sometimes, there’s always a lot going on but honestly my experience has been overwhelmingly positive. And when I’ve needed support, I’ve always gotten support. And I don’t particularly like hugs but if I ever needed a hug, then there was always someone available to give me a hug. And I’m going to be sad to be leaving it because it’s really been a positive experience for me all in all.
Kia Rogers
May 10, 2021
Being a woman of color at Fieldston is kind of a double-edged sword. Especially being a woman of color who grew up at Fieldston because I’ve been here since kindergarten. On the one hand, you learn how to be around white people. Code switching becomes second nature to you. You learn how to present yourself in a way so that you won’t be stereotyped in a certain crowd. And I guess that’s kind of positive too because you can use them as tools for when you’re trying to ‘fit in’ and be heard. For example, when it came to the students of color matter protest, when it comes to teaching white people or trying to make them understand how racism exists in our environment and how they contribute to it, they will be more likely to listen to me as someone who acts like them and has been around them for so long as opposed to someone that may not have assimilated to white culture. I guess it’s also useful for colleges because most students of color at Fieldston still end up at predominantly white colleges as well.
But I also think there’s a lot of trauma that comes with being a person of color at Fieldston, especially growing up with these kids. I remember I didn’t really know the implications of my race until eighth or ninth grade. I wasn’t consciously aware of my race until then. Attention from boys is the first thing that made me realize “okay I’m different from these white girls.” My friends were all white and would always get attention from boys and I wouldn’t and I just like so confused at first. And then I just became really self-conscious about my hair and my nose and stuff like that.
I realize, unfortunately, a lot of guys at Fieldston, or any predominantly white school for that matter, are attracted to white. This may simply be white people or people of color that have more white characteristics. And I guess there are a few exceptions like if you’re a black girl with a curvy body, or you’re light skin, or your hair isn’t as curly, or you act a certain way but there’s gotta be something in you that resembles whiteness for you to be attractive. Honestly, it doesn’t matter if you are a girl or a guy. I think most people of color have experienced this, the only difference is the ways and words. All of it really affects your self-image. For me specifically, I struggled with my self-image and my personality from eighth grade to junior year. I didn’t really know who I was because I was always fixing my personality to what other people expected because that’s what I’ve learned how to do for so long.
And then in senior year, especially if you are an ED student, you realize that Fieldston isn’t everything and you get a glimpse of what the rest of the world looks like. And for me, that allowed me to be like “Wow, I am not happy with the person that I’ve built at this school. But, I don’t know how to change that because I’m still going to school with these kids for the time being.” So I think my senior year was navigating this realization and trying to be more true to myself while also not isolating myself from everyone around me. I did that for a month and a half. I didn’t go to school or classes, didn’t really talk to anyone and just isolated myself for some time. And that actually made things ten times worse so now, I’m just trying to be present with myself while I’m around other people. And I think at this point, I am not excited to leave Fieldston but I am ready to leave Fieldston. I think there’s a difference because it’s not that I’m overjoyed I no longer have to go to school here, it’s just that I’ve had my journey in this school and I don’t really have anything holding me back to it.
Daniel Silverstein
May 10, 2021
As a student at Fieldston, I have mostly good things to say. Fieldston has allowed me to blossom into the person that I am. I don’t think I would be as aware of the inequalities in the world or as passionate about social justice, climate change or politics, if it were not for Fieldston—it’s not a focus in a lot of the other “elite” private schools in NYC. Fieldston’s mission is something that my class has been a part of fighting for and I am proud of that. I’ve seen student leadership and community bonding through SOCM and other events that have happened during my time here, and I am honored to have been a part of those important moments at Fieldston.
I do acknowledge that Fieldston definitely has its flaws. I think our mission and who we are at our core often come into conflict with who we’ve become, especially with the eliteness of our school and the tuition. We want to be this elite institution but we also want to touch upon ethics and equality—and that’s great. We attract people who are passionate about making the world a better place and about caring for one another, but at the same time, we attract really well to do families and there’s often a juxtaposition between those two things. That doesn’t mean someone can’t have money and be really socially aware and ethical but it does mean that there can be some tension within a community like ours. And when you talk about inclusion, a $60,000 tuition is not inclusive at all. Things like that are things that the school will grapple with and will continue to figure with for years to come—the balance between our mission and our identity as an institution. There’s going to need to be a change within the school and its mission.
But all of that being said, I think what makes Fieldston so special is the people—because they are truly so, so great. I’ve also had incredible experiences being a leader in different aspects of the community. I’ve gotten to follow my passions within the community and meet so many amazing people through STS, MERGE, and varsity soccer. I’ve made so many friendships that I hope to cherish for a really long time. People tell me that you only stay friends with a few people from high school, but I don’t know. I really feel like I am going to have a big batch of friends who will stick with me as we go through our journeys in college and beyond. Plus, since Fieldston has such an open campus, it’s easy to build intergrade connections. Last year, I was really close with the seniors and this year I’ve gotten a chance to get to know some of the juniors more closely. I really value that.
There are so many great people in the class of 2021 that I’m really going to miss. During junior year, we were just starting to get close as a whole grade and become less cliquey. We were on track to becoming a really unified grade and everyone was sort of branching out and forming new connections. It really sucked that we weren’t able to experience second semester of junior year or first semester of senior year together as a grade. I think everyone really tried to make up for it this semester. It makes me so sad that I’m not going to get back that year—and the time I missed with the people I love and have called family for so long.
Going into junior year, we were all hype to be upperclassmen. We got our first taste of Poly, our first taste of homecoming, our first taste of being an upperclassmen. But then COVID hit out of the blue and none of us really expected how serious it was going to get, or how impactful and painful the next year would be. Everyone really was going through something; whether it was someone within your immediate family or in your larger circle, we all knew someone who was affected by COVID. And on top of the pandemic, a lot of people were really struggling in one way or another mentally. It was a hard time for everyone.
While I’m always going to look back and be a little sour about the year we lost, there are things that came out of it that we all can be grateful for. In a way, COVID kind of centered everyone and reminded us to really value our last few moments together. It allowed us to really reflect and see what is important, the relationships we’ve formed and the little moments we often take for granted. After all the bickering and discussions with the administration, we are able to have two days together as a whole grade after a year apart. I think we are all grateful for that time together, and we are able to socialize outside of school, but it’s just unfortunate that we don’t get that picture perfect end to our high school experience or the senior year that we all were kind of excited for. I think now we’re at a point where we’re just trying to make the best of everything!
Fieldston is just such a special place and, while yes, it has its imperfections and places for improvement (that I hope the younger classes recognize and work on), I’ve loved my time here. I know my class definitely felt the responsibility as seniors to fight for a better experience for everyone because we love it so much. We want to see the school improve because there’s just so much potential to blossom as a student. The idea that there’s an institution that teaches you from a young age about the real world and the inequalities that exist, how it impacts you, how you may contribute, and most importantly how you can be part of positive change is really special and something we need more of in this divided world.
I’ve definitely taken a lot out of my experience as a Fieldston student. I’ll always remember Fieldston for the incredible friends I’ve made and teachers I’ve had. I’m really going to miss It here and look back at my time fondly!
Aksel Katz
May 10, 2021
It’s weird that I’m leaving Fieldston because I’ve only been here for four years and it’s been such a crazy time. We’ve had a chaotic and tumultuous time. We had the pandemic, we had Trump, we’ve had horrific racial incidents, it’s been a little crazy. But I think what I’ve learned is just to take the light and take the happiness and joy of every moment. Always see the good side of someone, the good side of something. And with that, just have fun because life sucks. Well, to a certain extent because life is also beautiful and hard but take the light. Have some good cheese. And with whatever you do, just make sure to appreciate it. Appreciate every little second because it goes by so quickly. Appreciate the people you meet and your friends and everything life has to offer because it’s all just one so quickly.
I truly relish all the memories I have at Fieldston, especially conversations with teachers and discussions in class. It’s just so much fun to hear so many different perspectives, some a little controversial and contentious. My favorite memories have just been with my friends, the little moments, the little cracks of smiles and jokes and laughter and just other little moments. I can’t exactly set up a scene of all my favorite moments but just conversations in the hallways, meeting new people, that kind of thing. There’s just such a warm atmosphere here at Fieldston. I love walking down the hallways. I loved it when I visited it and I loved it while I was a student here. There’s just so much warmth that really emanates from the walls here and I truly love that.
Something I’ve really appreciated about Fieldston has been the teachers. I think one thing that has really improved throughout the years has been my writing. Having teachers like Ms. Gruder in freshman year and more, just knowing the amount of care and effort they put into us has been amazing. Earlier today, I was just sitting in Montera’s room and just listening to some WQXR which he recommended which is just gorgeous. Everyone from Dr. Jones (both of them) are incredibly inspiring, Dr. Blaney has been amazing, really a huge force in my academic and intellectual interests, and everyone in between. It’s been so amazing. Fieldston is just so cool with it’s wealth of teachers and personalities. And people you can’t find in other schools. I just really love that about Fieldston.
It’s weird to think about leaving Fieldston and going off to college. Especially now. I’m going to college in Canada and it’s just going to be so different. For example, Canada is a bit behind the United States with their vaccination numbers. So things are a little bit different there. And so, it’s a little weird to think about going to college there. But it’s going to be so much fun being in a different city, being in a different country and meeting vastly different people and hearing very different perspectives and just being thrown into it. I’m a little nervous about being thrown into the world after high school but I’m so excited about it.
Jaclyn Olsen
May 11, 2021
I’m already nostalgic for the beginning of ninth grade. I kind of wish that I was in eighth grade again. I miss the anticipation I felt going into the upper school. Walking the halls of the Upper School as an eighth grader, there was just this certain vibe, especially in the 100s building—something about the 100s building was to me the physical manifestation of what I thought the Fieldston high school was. Just the rooms, and the couches and all the unique decorations the teachers put up really shaped what I thought all of Fieldston was going to be like.
But, I never really felt like I had the experience that I thought I was going to have in the upper school. Then again, I think there is a certain ineffability to it. I don’t really know what I was expecting. Perhaps it’s due to COVID, perhaps it’s due to other factors in my life, but I never really felt like I had that bonding that I thought I was going to have. Something I was really hoping for and expecting as part of my upper school experience was community. I thought that I’d feel a truly deep sense of community, and bonding, and care for each other. I thought that there would be a lot of intergrade friendships. But in reality, it all felt so separated. The ninth grade was its own thing, the tenth grade was off in the yonder and then there was finally some mixing in eleventh and twelfth grade. Once you’re an upperclassmen, your friendships change a bit because you’re now in classes together. But, because of COVID, I didn’t get to have that with the grade above me or even with the grade below me, as much as I would have wanted. I was never able to find that sense of community I was always looking for at Fieldston. I gave up the search until I didn’t. In the final hours of my senior year, I really tried for it. My advisory, a micro-community that I’ve always cherished, designed a themed sweatshirt. On the back are the nicknames and inside jokes we curated over the years. My nickname was “Jackie-O-No-Show” — the inspiration being my lack of school spirit and, well, of showing up. I think that was the proper amount of bullying to get me to show up. And that has made all the difference.
As for my classroom experiences, I wanted more free discussion, just that liberal arts vibe in my classes more. That’s not to say that my classes weren’t discussion-based, but I felt that there could’ve been more free association and stream-of-consciousness contributions on the students’ ends, rather than calculated and selective comments. But I do think the Upper School nurtured my love of learning, Dr. Voldoire’s classes, especially. Her ninth grade history class instilled a perfect intellectual curiosity in me. It was in the way she taught : she was able to make a daunting, seemingly intangible canon accessible to my ninth grade self. I just found it so interesting, so I also took European Intellectual History with her my junior year. Being able to choose my classes, and being in Dr. Voldoire’s class kind of helped with that. For most of 9th and 10th grade, I was desperately seeking the version of myself I thought I wanted to be, and I finally knew what I wanted junior and senior year.
POSTSCRIPT: on the status quo at ECFS.
I believe, when Fieldston took on the elite private school identity, it adulterated its philosophy and practice of ethical culture; as long as this identity dissonance remains unresolved, the community will continue to suffer its consequences.
Alexa Potter
May 11, 2021
I started at Fieldston in pre-k, and the fourteen-year club coming up has made me start reflecting on what it means to have gone to basically one school my whole life. I think it’s really impactful that I grew up around a lot of the same people and watched how we turned into incredibly different humans. I remember being in elementary school being like, “oh, I wonder what we’re going to be like when we’re in fifth grade we’re going to be so old,” and that shifting to “oh, I wonder what we’re going to be like in middle school and what we’re going to look like” and that shifting to “oh I wonder what we’re going to be like when we’re seniors and how different we’re going to be then.”
Personally, I think that Fieldston has given me the space to become a person that I can be proud of. I mean, I know there’s a lot about Fieldston that’s not perfect. There are some negative experiences, but I’m really happy with my time at Fieldston, looking back at everything. Even the flaws and the hardships I went through shaped me into who I am today.
In life, all these little moments really impact you, even if you can’t immediately tell. A lot of these moments took place during my time at ECFS. This is so random, but I remember in elementary school, I had a friend who always liked to run around on the roof of Ethical. But then, she would always disappear because she had nose bleeds. I got used to her sudden disappearances, and I learned how to entertain myself. It feels so random, but I think I learned how to be by myself and be okay with not always being with somebody else.
Another big example is in middle school, I had a friend who was really into poetry. Since she was really into poetry, I started to look into poetry. And then, I started to love poetry. Eventually, through poetry in general and through poetry classes at Fieldston, it became one of the ways I started to make sense of my identity and place in the world. Poetry really helped me learn how to process the things around me.
When I was in seventh grade, I had a pretty tough year (a full-circle moment because now I am an STS leader for seventh grade). Socially, I was figuring out new things, and it was weird. I was just an angsty seventh grader, and I didn’t know what to do with my emotions. So, I started writing really informal notes on my Notes App, and it just kind of morphed into prose poetry. But then, at Fieldston, we had one of these poetry workshops, which is when I started gaining some skills for my poetry. I kept doing that throughout middle school and high school, and it’s really cool because I can look back on all my writings and see how I have evolved and grown.
Poetry was only meant to be only for myself, so it was a place where I could be super honest. And I look back at my work sometimes, and I’m like, “Woah, I didn’t even realize I thought that.” I was part of running the poetry assembly my junior year, where I read a poem in front of the whole school, which was absolutely terrifying, and I hated it. Still, I also loved it because it was kind of this culminating moment where I was sharing poetry with many people for the first time. I never thought that I would ever get to the point where I would be so vulnerable in front of a whole group of people for something that started out as something that was just for myself. And that’s kind of an example of how I matured in Fieldston; I gained skills through classes and the peers around me to create immense self-growth, which I was then able to share with my community.
Ananda Vidal-Burgie
May 13, 2021
It’s hard to say specific things about the culmination of thirteen years of my life. I mean, I started in Kindergarten, in 2008, which is ridiculous to think about. I vividly remember my first day at Fieldston. I remember everyone was crowded around outside of the kindergarten classrooms and we had to wait one by one to have our names called so that we could separate into groups and I was the first person to get called and I just remember being so excited just to hear my name.
And just on the first day, I remember making so many friends and it was just kind of immediate and everyone was so nice. I think it’s such a unique experience to still be around those people who were still there on your first day of school in kindergarten and being able to be like “oh remember when we were in second grade and we did this and that.” I think it’s just a very unique relationship to have with someone. You can’t really call these people you’ve known for so long your siblings because that’s just not what they are. But also who else has known you for like thirteen years other than someone who’s like a sibling figure?
I think something associated with the social life at Fieldston is “cliquiness.” But I think it’s more like people with similar interests gravitate towards one another. And it’s important to have those people because you know if you go to them, there’s already going to be an understanding and a shared interest. I think that’s really special and really important. I think it’s different from cliques because it’s not like you can’t join us, everyone’s usually welcome within different friend groups but it just makes sense for people with shared interests to be together most of the time.
As a black woman, being at Fieldston has been a very specific experience that comes with different components. But, for the most part, I actually think that my experience here amongst my peers was built with allyship and support. I think the majority of the problems at Fieldston come from the administration who don’t really stand up for students of color when it is their position to do so. In terms of other schools, I think Fieldston is a bit more open to things. Also, everyone here at Fieldston has a really good sense of community. The idea of cyberbullying someone or physically bullying them were never really problems here, which is something I really appreciate about the environment.
Going off into college now, I’m honestly very scared because I’ve been going here for thirteen years. I also live right across the street from Fieldston so I don’t really know any other environment besides Fieldston and Riverdale. While on one hand, I’m very prepared to move on because as an older person I don’t really have a place here anymore. But at the same time I know that wherever I go isn’t going to be what I’ve known so it’s exciting and very scary all at once.
Victoria Thomas
May 13, 2021
Before I came to Fieldston, I didn’t have a deep understanding of what race is. I knew that there were people that looked like me and there were people that didn’t. But, I didn’t really understand what came with that. I didn’t understand racism or discrimination. And then I came to Fiedlston and all of a sudden, race was in my face all the time. Developing my sense of race when I came to Fieldston was honestly pretty traumatic. The ways in which I was learning about race was by me getting hurt and me being in pain. It wasn’t being taught in a lesson by parents or in a class, it was very much just “Was this person being racist towards me? I don’t even understand what racism is. All I know is that their comment hurts and this feels horrible and I’ve never experienced this before.” As long as I can remember, every year something racially insensitive has happened, whether it was directed at me, inside a class, or within our school as a whole.
Leaving now, I have very little respect for this school because I’ve had a very traumatic experience as a result of my race. It almost overwhelms the other experiences I’ve had here, which is really sad because I’ve met some amazing people here. I love my friends, I love my teachers, and all the other people I’ve met here. But overall, when I think about this school, I think about how it doesn’t care about me or any of its other students of color. I hope that people can really acknowledge and start to learn how traumatic the Fieldston experience is for students of color. There’s always some racial incident here. And, I know a lot of people think “You shouldn’t have been so involved in those issues,” but it’s hard not to get involved when you are directly being affected. I didn’t have to talk to the administration, I didn’t have to do all that but when you’re constantly under attack and not cared for, you have no choice but to get involved.
I honestly can’t imagine going here since pre-k and I’m so grateful that I didn’t. If I had, I think I would’ve left far more traumatized than right now. Fortunately, I’ve been able to detach myself from the trauma and I’m ending my senior year and my time at Fieldston very happy. I’ve been through a lot of shit since I’ve been here, I’ve struggled with a lot. But I’m leaving here in a good place and that’s really all that matters for me. But at the same time, I am scared for students of color at this school. I teach STS and we have to teach a lesson on Students of Color Matter and it’s embarrassing that I’m teaching them and I’m saying “Oh there’s been so much progress” even though that is not at all what is happening. Even though there have been a few institutional changes, what matters the most is the culture change. And that’s not happening at all, and there’s been no steps towards changing it. We’re giving these kids false hope, which is really dangerous. When you have false hope, you end up getting more hurt at the end because you end up feeling greater disappointment. And that’s what happened to me after the sophomore year protest. I really thought that things were going to get so much better but it hadn’t at all.
I’ve considered leaving this school multiple times and I’m grateful that I was able to make it through because I know not everyone can. In a way, it is rewarding to know that I am able to leave Fieldston without letting this place destroy me.I leave this school hoping that it will get better but knowing that it won’t. I don’t recommend this school for students of color, at least not now, at least not in the next five years or so. I’m hoping that the students of color in the future grades will be strong enough to make some more changes. But I don’t think it’s their responsibility. No matter what they do, I’m proud of them for surviving Fieldston because I know how hard it is.
My advice for the incoming students of color would be to never shut up about the way that you are being treated. Never let it happen. Whatever you have to do to advocate for yourself, do it. I think a lot of my classmates view me as a stereotype, as an angry black girl and the truth is I am an angry black girl. I am a black girl and I am angry about how I’ve been treated as a black girl. That’s not something I’m going to apologize for and I don’t think it should be something anyone should apologize for. That is something to take pride in and something to use to your advantage. It’s very easy to not say anything, to keep moving, to keep your mouth shut. But, at the end of the day, it’s going to hurt you more than it’s going to help you. You’re going to tear yourself apart for not truly standing up for something that you believe in. If you think that you are being treated poorly, then speak up for yourself and let it be known. You have to fight and advocate for yourself. But you shouldn’t do it at the expense of your mental health. If you need to step back and take a break from social justice, you should. As a student of color, you have to prioritize your mental health over everything else. Over friends, over school work, over social justice, over administration. Your mental health comes first or else you will not be able to make it through this school unscathed.
